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My wife came home one day and caught me in bed having an affair. After I calmed her down I said "Let me explain. This lady is from the women's shelter and stopped by looking for donations. I opened the front closet and saw a couple of pairs of shoes. Honey, since you have SO many shoes, and haven't worn them in a few years, I didn't think you would miss or need these pairs. Then I looked up and saw a couple of old winter coats that you haven't worn in years. I didn't think you would miss them and figured someone more needy could use them. The lady then asked, 'Is there anything else your wife hasn't used in a long time?'

"So here we are in bed!"
 
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